Death

From the submitter:

This continued for several more messages. It got to the point where she actually thought that I died.

Machete doesn't care about your fool contacts list, either.

You're welcome, young stranger! Unless this is spam in which case go die in a fire.

Kids! No matter how committed you are to building a personal relationship with Jesus or any other spiritual icon, don't text Him while driving. Or anyone, for that matter.

Text it <33

Even if I get testy when you interrupt me in the middle, and even if I occasionally and compulsively lie about my addiction. Okay, so maybe I have a problem.