Death

From the submitter:

This continued for several more messages. It got to the point where she actually thought that I died.

Even if I get testy when you interrupt me in the middle, and even if I occasionally and compulsively lie about my addiction. Okay, so maybe I have a problem.

From the submitter:

I was afraid to ask anyone else

Maybe you could go back in time and text Hitler's grandson. You've been given a terrible curse, but it could also be a great gift. With great power comes great responsibility etc. etc.

I know that technically the joke is that autocorrect changed "bother" to "boner," but I'm more impressed at the "chillin with Jesus" status request.

[polldaddy poll="5598624"]

Great, now I have no reason to read this biography at all.

I almost missed the second to last line. I had to read it again. Oh, puns. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Text it <33