Death

Text it <33

I almost missed the second to last line. I had to read it again. Oh, puns. Ha. Ha. Ha.

From the submitter:

This continued for several more messages. It got to the point where she actually thought that I died.

Machete doesn't care about your fool contacts list, either.

Even if I get testy when you interrupt me in the middle, and even if I occasionally and compulsively lie about my addiction. Okay, so maybe I have a problem.

Sometimes I think cheesy texting (chexting) is the worse thing in the world, but then I stumble across some corny texting (coxting) or some cutesy texting (cuxting) that's even worse. And I can never, ever forget some of the terrible lovey-dovey texting (loxting-doxting) and sappy texting (sappxting) conversations I've read. Basically I'm annoyed by all of them.

Great, now I have no reason to read this biography at all.

Kids! No matter how committed you are to building a personal relationship with Jesus or any other spiritual icon, don't text Him while driving. Or anyone, for that matter.

WELL GREAT NOW THE JOKE IS RUINED.

j/k sorry for your loss.

You're welcome, young stranger! Unless this is spam in which case go die in a fire.