sms

"Alright, who's on coconut milk duty?"

"I don't know, ask these guys.

"Jesus 5:14 (or something): Thou shalt pick ur parents up and driev them wherever they want lol."

"Dad... I think you just made that one up..."

Please don't kill me!

"Do not use social media or communication devices of any kind."

Sincerely, Sober Self

I've heard of the "call of nature," but the text of nature? That's new.

Excuse me, I'm fluent in Drunkish. Ahem!

"Hey man, I'm all for Hugo asking Bruno out on a date. They really seem like they have a lot in common."

"Let me re-phrase, I'm STRON[G]LY in favor of it!"

"What????"

"They go together like N and Ñ in the Spanish alphabet!"

"I'd like to talk to you on the phone about it, but it's too damn loud in here."

"Lord, that's odd! The po-po just showed up to the party and they just signed up on the beer pong table queue!"

But how many is an emoticon worth? Ten?

This summer, some guy named Mark is...

The Warned Identity.

Maybe the fine folks at Autocowrecks can help you out.

She was on a little bit of a bad ass streak.

Jeez, Mom, lern2mixers.

"Because you're sure as hell getting a rise out of me by texting me at 3:30 in the damn morning!"

"Crappy."

Hey, at least there weren't any bombs involved!

For more 4G funny, check out Autocowrecks!