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Jeez, Mom, lern2mixers.

I've heard of the "call of nature," but the text of nature? That's new.

"Jesus 5:14 (or something): Thou shalt pick ur parents up and driev them wherever they want lol."

"Dad... I think you just made that one up..."

"Because you're sure as hell getting a rise out of me by texting me at 3:30 in the damn morning!"

"Happy Holidaze, Mom!" "Aaahhh, now I get it! Happy Holidaze to you too, Son!"

Maybe the fine folks at Autocowrecks can help you out.

You kept saying that your steering wheel was over 50 percent stronger than the leading disposable dinnerware brand! What the hell, man?

"Crappy."

Please don't kill me!

Hey, at least there weren't any bombs involved!

For more 4G funny, check out Autocowrecks!

"Alright, who's on coconut milk duty?"

"I don't know, ask these guys.

We have the top scientists trying to figure what the hell you said.

"Do not use social media or communication devices of any kind."

Sincerely, Sober Self

Excuse me, I'm fluent in Drunkish. Ahem!

"Hey man, I'm all for Hugo asking Bruno out on a date. They really seem like they have a lot in common."

"Let me re-phrase, I'm STRON[G]LY in favor of it!"

"What????"

"They go together like N and Ñ in the Spanish alphabet!"

"I'd like to talk to you on the phone about it, but it's too damn loud in here."

"Lord, that's odd! The po-po just showed up to the party and they just signed up on the beer pong table queue!"