Early Morning Happy Hour

Tis the season for political drinking!

The added bonus is that every single one is poisoned, per George R.R. Martin's willingness to kill anyone at any time!

Also like the real thing, you'll end up practically braindead and needlessly violent.

There's no better way to start off your day than to start with a Squirtle and evolve your way up to "Too Drunk Drunk to Function At 9am," also known as "Blastoise.

So it's a rum/cola float named after an iconic sci-fi robot from the future? I'll take six please.

The Bloody Brain - mix 1 1/4 oz vodka and 1/8 oz lime juice and add to shot glasses to fill to about 3/4 full. Slowly add cream liquor to form brain. Drizzle grenadine.

SHOW ME YOUR MAGIC, OH SORCERER OF SALTED RIMS.

Flavorwire serves us up some cocktails inspired by literary classics, with my personal favorite being the Catcher in the Rye. Do I care that it's just a dolled up Old Fashioned? No. No I do not.