Worst Resume Ever?

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resume,job application
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From the submitter:

"This "resume" was handed to me while I was working security. The spelling is awesome, but the lack of detail is even better. It was done on a typewriter, and the paper was torn by folding and wetting and tearing."

Hark!

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poetic application,resume,cv,dear company,job application
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If that doesn't get you employed, what will?

Applicant Is Super Qualified And S**t

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application,hiring,job search,resume
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He gives a version of this to the people he dates, too.