Hark!

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If that doesn't get you employed, what will?

Here at DerpCorp, We Don't Like to Hire People With So-Called "Flaws"

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"Then how did you get hired in the first place, sir?"

"Hmmm, candidate uses logic and is openly defiant of superiors. You're just shooting yourself in the foot now buddy... candidate also only has one functional foot..."

Dear Sir or Mammoth

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Qualifications

I constantly hunger for a challenge. I have a very cann-do attitude. I am a team player, and have experience spearheading team projects.

Made Blatantly False Claims on Résumé

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"Optimized client assets for strategic marketing purposes."