Here at Party Supply Inc., we sometimes like to party soft. Unfortunately, that's outside the scope of your qualifications.
Also, we have a number of other applicants who we're considering.
From the submitter:
"This "resume" was handed to me while I was working security. The spelling is awesome, but the lack of detail is even better. It was done on a typewriter, and the paper was torn by folding and wetting and tearing."