Cruise ships: floating palaces packed with tourists and plague that light up the oceans and terrorize whatever small port they happen to land in. You'd have to consider yourself mighty important indeed to think that one of these floating fortresses would forestall its scheduled course in order to accommodate your unfortunately entitled person... Sure, let's leave 3999 people waiting while the 4000th takes their time making your way back to the dock according to their own time. Sure, it's a toug…

As a tourist in a country you've never set foot in before, making a few language mistakes is inevitable. Lots of people will study up on the language before they ever set foot on a plane, but even so, it's way different in person. You can read a little translation book all you want, but when a local speaks to you, you're probably going to be stumped. These days, a lot of cell phones can instantly translate for us, but even then, there are bound to be a few mistakes along the way. In a lot of Eu…

“It's just trees,” lamented one unhappy 1-star reviewer who was writing about… a national forest. Don't you hate when you visit the outdoors, and the outdoors are there? Crazy how that works. These people decided to visit our nation's many great national parks, and they then proceeded to leave very funny, and very unhinged 1-star reviews about them. The funniest to me are the ones where people get the location entirely wrong. For example, one reviewer was frustrated because their “Milkshake was…

There are a few guided activities that most people are unwilling to be cheap about: skydiving, scuba lessons, and boat tours. With all of those activities, you want a trusted professional holding the wheel if things go wrong, and reasonable tourists are typically willing to fork up the cash to ensure the safety of themselves and their families… Not this man.

Yeah, sorry about that.