These Drunk Texas A&M Fans Looking for Drugs are the Epitome of "White Girl Wasted"

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The stumbling, the slurring, the raised octave pitch at the end of each sentence, this is truly what it means to be White Girl Wasted.

How High is ESPN's Neil Everett, and Can We Have What He's Having?

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ESPN's SportsCenter featured this cryptic line from Neil Everett, which started as a bunch of nonsense before drifting off into the resolute silence which comes from a Total Understanding of All Being. Maybe we just witnessed the moment a news anchor reached enlightenment live on the air?

But no, seriously, if you have any more of the good stuff please let us know Neil.

Certified "Worst Parents in the World" Use Weed, Coke as "Bargaining Tool" for Their Kids' Schoolwork

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We really wish that headline were some kind of joke.

That's Joey and Chad Mudd pictured above. The Florida couple is under arrest for multiple felony child abuse charges and drug possession counts. Mom here managed to get out after posting $5000 in bail, and luckily their teen girls are no longer in their custody.

Discovery of the Day: Grandmother Finds c0caine in Nature Valley Granola Bar

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Breakfast of champions.

When Cynthia Rodriguez opened up her Nature Valley granola bar back in March, something dropped out and she thought she had won some sort of prize.

It turns out the “prize” was actually a tiny bag of c0caine, according to KENS5 News.

The Texas woman reported it to the authorities, who confirmed it was a drug, but they don’t yet know how it got into her snack treat.

General Mills, which owns the Nature Valley brand, released a statement on Wednesday denying anything to do with it.

“We referred this to the police department in March, and are confident this did not happen in our facility,” they said.

Rodriguez said she got the granola bars as part of a sample pack from someone a local store and it didn’t appear to have been opened.

While she may be worried about it happening again, someone on Nature Valley’s Facebook page just wants more.