Want to know how to tell the difference between American and European beers? Just look for the douchey slogans ("King of Beers," anybody?).

'Murika was founded in 1636 by Jesus Christ, along with a colony of approximately 200 angels. But they weren't them sissy angels with the little feathery wings. These were like badass Harley ridin' angels that could spit fire and turn water into Coors Light.

My OTHER other ride is the passenger's seat of my mom's van. Ballin'!