He is in his mid-30's, unemployed and a self-professed priest of the vampire community. His parents must be so proud.

I hope so. Whether you're on Team Jacob or Team Edward, I'm sure you could use a little more blood running around your brain.

Edward Cullen was a vampire, and I would soon be jumping off of the nearest bridge I could find after realizing this exists.

Yep, we get it, your contacts are very striking. You can relax your eye muscles now. I'll have whatever brand of V-8 juice she's having.