Edward Cullen was a vampire, and I would soon be jumping off of the nearest bridge I could find after realizing this exists.

He is in his mid-30's, unemployed and a self-professed priest of the vampire community. His parents must be so proud.

Yep, we get it, your contacts are very striking. You can relax your eye muscles now. I'll have whatever brand of V-8 juice she's having.

I hope so. Whether you're on Team Jacob or Team Edward, I'm sure you could use a little more blood running around your brain.