Dressed to News: Clip That Thing Off!

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Once you're done weeping into your bowl of sad-soup, go check out some more Emo kids!

Weird, Because I'm Looking For Someone Who Wears Everything on His Sleeve...

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DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.

You Can't Stop the Sass

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You're Getting a Little Too Real For Me, Shirt

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I mean, I'm going to need a Zanax just to cope with thinking about what this shirt is talking about.

Speak, Brother

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I'm pretty sure Larry David is just talking about every single person here.

Take Note, Ladies and Gents

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You And Me Both, Buddy

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Don't worry though, you still have fewer problems going on than the guy in the psychedelic animal print to your left.