(Watching show about El Chupacabra with my uncle.) Narrator: Last sightings were seen in Texas... Me: Texas, its always texas. Uncle: What? Me: Nasty creatures sucking the blood of farm animals. Uncle: Probably their governor.

Cousin: *pointing to large five foot tall package by the Christmas tree* Dad is gonna love what I got him, he's been needing it for a while. His older brother: You need to poke holes in the box so the stripper can breath.

(Me and my uncle walking through a park he's 23 and I'm 17.) Uncle: *Points to a group of bushes*. That's where me and your auntie had sex for the first time. Me: I didn't need to know that. Uncle: Yep, we were both 14 and drunk and stoned out of our heads. Me: Wow... So many laws broken, that's true love right there...

(Us at table eating tapioca. My uncle Ralph *has finished his but there is no more): Uncle Ralph: Hey did you know semen is low calorie food? Five calories per go! Me and Brothers: *Push away food* Eeeeeeeeew. Uncle Ralph: Well if you're not gonna eat it....