(I just met my new step-brother 2 hours ago at my dad's house. We're both mid 20's adults. Dad and step-mom leaving to go to the store.)
Dad: Okay, we're leaving now.
Me: Alright, see you in a bit.
Dad: (Looks at me and step-brother) No having sex with each other.
Me: Oh my God, dad! Go!
(My grandma thought it was totally appropriate to tell me about her first time with my now deceased grandpa.)
Grandma: I looked at that thing and I said "That'll NEVER fit!"
Me: *Awkward laugh* Oh hehe, that's pretty crazy!
Grandma: Say, why don't you ever bring your boyfriend over here to visit?
(maybe it's cause you tell gross sex stories.)
Mum: Are you a lesbian? That would be gross.
Me: Didnt you tell me you dated a lesbian for six months?
Mum: Yes, but we never went beyond kissing. She wanted to stay virgin until married.
(At a holiday gathering, a cheese plate is set out.)
Dad: Hey, honey, come here. Try this cheese.
Me: I don't really like blue cheese.
Dad: No, no, just try it.
Me: (Trying the cheese, disgusted.) Blugh, it tastes really weird. I don't like it.
Dad (pulls me aside): Your uncles and I all agree that that cheese tastes like our wives.
WWE Cuts Ties With Hulk Hogan for Racist Comments and the ...
When Kanye West's Mic Fails, He Does Exactly What You 'd ...
Take 2 Minutes and Enjoy This Amazing Crime Stoppers Video
2015 is Half-Over, Here Are Some of the Best FAILs of the ...
Mother Nature Has Gone Too Far, This Alligator Can Climb ...
After His Last Party Was a Bust, LeSean McCoy Tries a New ...
This Bizarre Triple Play Proves That Major League Baseball ...
Ok But When Will He Name One After His OTP Ship Name?
This Arson Victim Solves the Case on Live TV and Wait, What ...
Pick Your Site Name
Tell us more about it