(My five year old son): Mom, I'm gay.
Me: Really? So you want to marry boys?
Son: No, I like girls.
Me: Sweetie, then you aren't gay. That means boys who love boys, and girls who love girls. You are heterosexual.
Son: Look mom, I just wanna be gay but marry a girl!
Me: ... Well I guess that's how some gay guys do it...
Me: I am way more romantic than you, Mom.
Mom: Just because you read all those romance novels? You haven't even had sex.
Me: No, I meant that you just don't act romantic. I wasn't talking about sex.
Mom: I've had more sex than you, so HA!
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