(My wife and I going to the hospital while she's in labor.)
Me: Excuse me, my wife is in labor.
Nurse: OK, is she having contractions?
Nurse: How bad are they?
Wife: (In the middle of a contraction) I WILL F**KING KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!
Me: That bad.
(When I was younger, walking down the street and we passed a group of guys when one spits on the floor)
Grandmother: You gonna pick that up punk?
Grandmother: Yeah, I'm gonna stay here untill you clean it up!
Guy: How do you want me to do that?
Grandmother: LICK IT UP OR SOMETHING!
(Grandma keeps staring at him until the guy cleans it off of the street.)
Don't Lie Now!
Neville Longbottom Scandalizes J.K. Rowling With His Huge ...
These are Disney's 5 Most Horrific Deaths
Wanna Make Your Anime Creepy? Just Add Avocados.
Have You Ever Seen Your Death in Physical Form?
Introducing Specialman, With the Power of Abilities!
Time to Give Up on Humanity
Cone Of Shame? You Mean My Perfect Water Feeder!
Someone Figured Out How Far Frodo and Sam Walked
Ryan Reynolds and Deadpool Make-A-Wish
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more