A Store Clerk Gives a Hilarious Play-by-Play of Her Own Thwarted Robbery

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This man in Salt Lake City, Utah was arrested just minutes after this inept robbery, where he spent five whole minutes asking for cash and cigarettes. Five minutes, in case you weren't aware, is plenty of time to get the police to your location - especially if the sarcastic clerk in question is able to sneak around and get your license plate number.

See more at WIN!

Sending Your Friend to the Wrong House is Hilariously Cruel

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When Connor McCarthy invited a new friend over to his house for the first time, he decided to have a little fun with the occasion and send his new pal not to his own address, but to the one across the street.

It's a good thing this is in Great Britain and not America, because he probably would've gotten shot.

How High is ESPN's Neil Everett, and Can We Have What He's Having?

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ESPN's SportsCenter featured this cryptic line from Neil Everett, which started as a bunch of nonsense before drifting off into the resolute silence which comes from a Total Understanding of All Being. Maybe we just witnessed the moment a news anchor reached enlightenment live on the air?

But no, seriously, if you have any more of the good stuff please let us know Neil.

One Australian Police Department Puts Out an APB on the Sonic Criminals Nickelback Playing Nearby

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When the band isn't forcing all of us into rudimentary data analysis, they're busy touring Australia and subjecting good normal folk to Neo-Dad-Rock anthems. Thankfully, the Queensland Police department has had it up to here with the band and has warned the public of their arrival.

Personally I just hope we get some convenient spider rain during their show. Is that so much to ask?

And this isn't even the first time the Queensland Police have shown their distaste for the band: