when you work in a microbiology lab and handle specimens such as stool, urine, and blood... resist ALL urges to scratch that itch on your nose. you WILL get poop on your nose. #LFMF
No matter how badly you need to pee, never leave your room without pants. You never know when the crazy 89 year old man next door will walk into your house unannounced. #LFMF
Good: Morning wood.
Bad: Morning wood when you have to pee.
Bad and requiring much more concentration and coordination than possible at 5am: morning wood when having to pee AND poop. #LFMF
Post-op vasectomy and on pain meds is not a good time to try and pee standing up. Since a side effect is low blood pressure.... you WILL pass out and wake up with a bloody mess for a head. #LFMF
When using the urinal at school NEVER, under any circumstances, turn to look at the graffiti on the stalls. You will get piss all over your friend's foot, ESPECIALLY if said friend is wearing flip-flops. You will hear this for the rest of your school days. #LFMF
Using sneezing as an excuse to miss the toilet thing? Not just for the guys. #LFMF
Guys don't wipe after they pee. Keep this in mind the next time you want to give your boyfriend a surprise bj shortly after he's been to the bathroom. #LFMF