Don't answer your work phone at 4:58 pm on Friday. #LFMF

Never, ever, under any circumstances, give your sister's best friend a lapdance on her birthday with a phone in your pocket. She will think it is part of your male anatomy, and lose the tiny sliver of respect she ever had for you. As a plus, (or minus, depends how you look at it) your sister will never stop laughing at you. #LFMBrother'sF

It's awkward when your phone goes off at a funeral. It's even more awkward when your ringtone is "I will survive". #lfmf

Even if your phone has taken quite a beating (dropped off roof, run over by car, etc.) this doesn't mean it is indestructible, and you shouldn't jokingly bet your friends that they can't break it. unlike a Nokia, a droid is no match for a sledgehammer.

Priorities - Turning your head to avoid sneezing into the phone and blowing out a persons eardrums is polite. But they won't catch anything, unlike the person who was waiting to talk to you after you got off the phone who you just sprayed. #LFMF

When measuring something with a measuring tape, make sure you're looking at the right numbers. You will feel like an idiot after arguing with mom/dad/etc over the phone about the measurements, and finding out they were right. #LFMF

Don't drop your phone in the toilet while you are sitting on it. Not only will it kill the phone, you will also have to fish it out of the toilet. #LFMF