If you get scared easily, don't try to impress your friend by watching a horror movie with them, unless you want them to slap you when you piss on their couch.
Never pee in the shower if the drain is slow. You will be standing in your own pee. #LFMF
If you are wearing an expensive suit, do not pick up a guinea pig after it just drank half the water out of their bottle. It will pee all over your suit, and it WILL be awkward. #LFMF
You realize you have to pee as you're leaving a restaurant with your friend and her parents.
Polite: Wait until you get back to the hotel since it's only a five minute drive.
Stupid: Forgetting her dad has a terrible sense of direction. He'll get hopelessly lost and you'll be rocking back and forth in the back seat, too embarrassed to say anything. #LFMF
Bad Idea: Drinking a large caramel machiato after a week or so of not having caffeine when you are still not used to coffee.
Worse Idea: Doing this on the way back home - the walk back from the train station has never felt longer.
Good(ish) idea: Not stopping to listen to your father when he calls your name as you run into the house. You will just make it in time
When you gotta go, you gotta go. If you don't decide to finally run to the toilet and pee after hour of holding the urine inside that massive sneeze will do it for you. That's when you'll know you're addicted to the internet. And wet down there (not in the good way).
While sitting at home watching movies, and you suddenly start to fall asleep, remember that you had to pee before you fell asleep, not after. Your college roommate will laugh forever. #Learn From My College Roommate's Fail
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