Never under any circumstance should you wake up hungry and drunk in the middle of the night and attempt to fry bacon naked.
When going outside to smoke, don't look to see why the guy at the bus stop has a tape measure out. He is, in fact, measuring his penis. What has been seen cannot be unseen. #LFMF
A few hours later you might not notice any remnants of your atomic hot wing sauce even if you happen to touch your manly bits - but rest assured your lady friend will pick right up on it if you touch her lady-bits that night during the sexytime... #LFMF
Correct: Dad, I picked up logs on my way back from meeting with a guy. Incorrect: Dad, I got wood after seeing that guy!
When coming out of the ocean wearing a shorty wetsuit borrowed from a friend, and feeling cool like James Bond because everyone is watching you, remember that that huge water filled bulge at your groin is actually where your ass is supposed to go when you've got the suit on the right way round!
If you and your partner enjoy spending your day naked from time-to-time, make sure ALL the cutains are closed.
Consider teaching your children to spell the word "pennies"... Because when a volunteer asks them to spell it, it is REALLY difficult to keep as straight face as they spell "P-E-N-I-S".