If you need glasses to see anything that's within a foot of your face, make sure you wear them during your getting-ready-for-work routine. Otherwise, you'll grab what you think is a travel-sized tube of toothpaste, but is actually eczema ointment. You'll gag. And then, you'll hurl the entire cup of coffee you just finished drinking. #LFMF
When that beautiful classmate of yours with whom you´ve been going to the gym for the past few weeks asks you if you want to go to her place for some cofee, just say yes, even if it is 10PM. You will realize what she was most likely implying on your drive home and you will be seriously contemplating coliding with that truck in other lane. #LFMF
If you don't drink coffee on a regular basis, downing a large cup on an empty stomach early in the morning will completely ruin your day.
Never give your 14 year old daughter money on a school excursion. She will buy coffee. Not a wink was slept that night. By anyone. #LFM Dad's F
Bad: Eating sour cabbage and then washing it up with coffee. Your assumption that it will cause you to have diarrhea will be correct.
Worse: You will trust a fart. It won't be a fart. You'll be wearing thongs and a skirt.
You may have had a bad crick in your neck since you woke up. You may have also had too much coffee before church today. But that does not mean you should quickly jerk your head to the side, causing a loud snapping noise. The preist will look at you like you have just been possessed. #LFMF
Always flush the toilet on airplanes. You will be embarrassed when the cute flight attendant goes in there after you to dump the leftover coffee. #LFMF
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