If you get stung by jellyfish multiple times in a week, stay away from all bodies of water. You will be swimming and feel a nonexistent jellyfish. You will scream and make a fool out of yourself. #LFMF

Good Idea: Going to the beach on a hot day. Okay idea: Deciding to lounge in the sun to dry off after a swim. Bad Idea: Falling asleep in the sun. Moronic Idea: Doing it a second time. #LFMF

When someone asks you what you did over the weekend do not reply "Shot a family and two kids on the Beach" when they don't know that you are a photographer. #LFMF

When coming out of the ocean wearing a shorty wetsuit borrowed from a friend, and feeling cool like James Bond because everyone is watching you, remember that that huge water filled bulge at your groin is actually where your ass is supposed to go when you've got the suit on the right way round!

When on vacation in the Caribbean, always rub sunscreen on the bottoms of your feet. The sun rays will be reflected by the sand onto the soles of your bare feet, making it painful to walk around. Your wife WILL say "I told you so." #LFMF

Good Idea: Going to Hawaii for your honeymoon. Iffy Idea: (too late to change plans) It's the week after the Japan tsunami. Good Idea: Taking a nap on the beach. Bad Idea: Forgetting that they test the tsunami sirens once a month. You WILL freak the F out and scramble for the hills. Everyone at the beach WILL laugh at you. #LFMF

When your family comes to visit, and you decide to treat them to a relaxing day at a nice beach you've never been to, take the time to research locations of nude beaches in your area. #LFMF