In what universe did this guy Alex see this panning out in his favor? What we know is the dude got a fat vampiric hickey, and snapchatted his significant other, saying: 

"I told my dad yesterday I was gunna see you today and he thought it would be funny to jump on me to wake me up and he gave me a hickey (sic).

"I was like really! This b**** is huge!!! My mom said I look like white trash."

With this picture: