Attaching pepper spray to my cell phone is a surefire recipe for me accidentally blinding some poor innocent in a bar while I'm texting a friend.

I don't know, I think anyone with a strong preference for ironic and/or retro accessories would nab that right away.

Have you tried switching it off and then back on again?

People have already been complaining that Siri doesn't provide enough information on birth control, but THIS IS GOING A BIT TOO FAR.