That One Hits Me Right in the Nostalgia

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That One Hits Me Right in the Nostalgia
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This one's great if you want your phone to be both bulky, obnoxious, and a tribute to an era where mobile phones were horrible.

Protects From Everything Except Hipsters

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Protects From Everything Except Hipsters
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I don't know, I think anyone with a strong preference for ironic and/or retro accessories would nab that right away.