This Dude Made Love to a Tree and Tried to Stab a Cop Because of a Terrible New Drug

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The substance is called Flakka, and apparently it makes bath salts look tame in comparison. This guy here reportedly did the nasty with a tree, claimed he was Thor, and then attempted to stab a police officer with his own badge before being taken town.

Remember kids: Winners don't use drugs, and neither do Asgardian deities.

Self-Serve Beer Robots Soon to Be at Chicago's United Center

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That's right, now you can watch hockey while a robot/vending machine gets you drunk. You're living the dream!

Via Chicago Business: 

Two DraftServ units, each with four taps, will be installed at the United Center, stationed outside the Goose Island Brew Pub near Section 110 of the arena. They will be in use for Game 1 of the Bulls-Bucks series on April 18 and through the postseason for both Chicago teams.