sign

So in exchange for five dollars, I get to sleep in and come to work whenever I want? Done!

...it's actually a tacky policy, but when you're able to quantify the cost of coming to work late, it usually makes the thought of being late more appealing. Especially early in the morning.

The war on beards may be unwinnable.

Try!

Uhh, Dairy Queen? I want you to go back outside and look at your sign. Think long and hard about what people might think it means. Yeah, exactly.