job application

If you're scum or pissed as everyday then piss off!

"You're hired!!! When can you start?" "Sir, did you even read the rest of-" "I'll ask the questions here!"

From the submitter:

"This "resume" was handed to me while I was working security. The spelling is awesome, but the lack of detail is even better. It was done on a typewriter, and the paper was torn by folding and wetting and tearing."

Dude. Whoa.

If that doesn't get you employed, what will?

In 2011, Christopher Woodring applied for a job at DreamWorks. After a few weeks, he hadn't heard back from them, so he sent them this video. He was subsequently banned by DreamWorks from working for them in any capacity ever.

"Then how did you get hired in the first place, sir?"

"Hmmm, candidate uses logic and is openly defiant of superiors. You're just shooting yourself in the foot now buddy... candidate also only has one functional foot..."

"Just kidding, I have no idea what you're saying, I'm a goddamn panda!"

"Fascinating."

"Optimized client assets for strategic marketing purposes."

You could have sent her a picture of Gary Busey.

Here at Party Supply Inc., we sometimes like to party soft. Unfortunately, that's outside the scope of your qualifications.

Also, we have a number of other applicants who we're considering.

He's a straight shooter with upper management written all over him!