job application

If you're scum or pissed as everyday then piss off!

He's a straight shooter with upper management written all over him!

Mentally ill? No problem!

"Just kidding, I have no idea what you're saying, I'm a goddamn panda!"

"You're hired!!! When can you start?" "Sir, did you even read the rest of-" "I'll ask the questions here!"

If that doesn't get you employed, what will?

"Optimized client assets for strategic marketing purposes."

You're in a crowded pool of applicants if those are your qualifications.

From the submitter:

"This "resume" was handed to me while I was working security. The spelling is awesome, but the lack of detail is even better. It was done on a typewriter, and the paper was torn by folding and wetting and tearing."

"Then how did you get hired in the first place, sir?"

"Hmmm, candidate uses logic and is openly defiant of superiors. You're just shooting yourself in the foot now buddy... candidate also only has one functional foot..."

Look for a position that fits your skill set.

I was taking the assessment during the aplication process for Rent-A-Center, now I'm questioning how they keep employees there.

Here at Party Supply Inc., we sometimes like to party soft. Unfortunately, that's outside the scope of your qualifications.

Also, we have a number of other applicants who we're considering.