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Who knows if it will snap and the bicycle will fall apart while you're riding it? Talk about suspensions with suspense!

If only there were some way to join together sections of wood...

Brilliant! It's a like a bike that's also a treadmill! Genius! ... Wait, they already invented those? They're called stationary bikes? %@*$@#(@!$!!!!!

That whiny kid at the restaurant is just going to have to deal with it!

We need to go greener!

This option wasn't exactly what I was leaning toward...