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Funny tweets from the Lawrence Police Department on Twitter | Lawrence Police @LawrenceKS_PD Is 20 tubes disinfectant wipes reasonable amount 600 sq ft apartment is not reasonable amount should not buy many tubes. Maybe just one or two? been 38 minutes since told wash hands and had hands all over germ infested phone reading tweets. Wash hands, wipe down phone, and return some TP store. And don't crime.

Comedy Gems From Lawrence Police Department's Twitter

Yes, remember not to crime.
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Student's business project with Super Smash Bros spirals out of control and they get suspended | TIFU By starting an illegal money laundering and gambling ring at my highschool. This all started my second last year highschool FU happened towards end semester. Just an FYI, at time never knew gambling outside casinos illegal.

Student's Super Smash Bros Business Project Spirals Out Of Control

They didn't foresee the suspension.
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Date flips out when she realizes that she has to pay for her own food | Hey, wann go out tonight? After did last time expect go out with again? Wow have done??9 made pay my own food and drink while paid only yours wtf

Date Has To Pay For Her Own Food, Flips Out

What a mess of a situation.
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A collection of funny dad jokes from dads on Twitter | Zack @Mr_Kapowski [kid's party Can leave? These things take forever Wife harsh whisper* Shut mouth. Watch our daughter open her presents

Dad Jokes That Went Full Dad Joke

Dad jokes are true gems.
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AskReddit replies to people experiencing "everyone clapped" moments | b_wald81 15h driving some friends home christmas party hit some black ice, sending car careening sideways down 180° offramp saved and got damned thing stopped, pointing right direction and our lane, by time got bottom ramp. There no clapping, but there cheering.

"And Everyone Clapped" Stories

Sometimes people defy the odds, and everyone claps.
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People describe the laziest things that they've ever done | stickyWithWhiskey 18h 2 Awards once put instructions go right side house and deliver pizza first window (my bedroom didn't feel like walking front house get my pizza. Driver obliged, and got very nice tip.

People's Laziest Moments

We've all been there.
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People who let their mom count to zero share what happened afterwards | reddit post CaptainAwesome06 7h 3 4 Awards Tried once. She gave defeated sigh, then chuckled. Then she said something like getting too old day became man never forget my 32nd birthday.

People Who Let Their Moms Count To Zero Share The Results

A whole lot of recounting going on.
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A collection of times that troll, Ken M, toyed with people online | Ken M @horseysurprise 's oddly cathartic realize l'l never be able pay off my student loan borrowed $400 student

Times Troublemaker Ken M Toyed With People

Ken M is a national treasure.
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entitled people who demanded things | Cuz im trying make full sleeve Is font want want all capital letters? Yesss And yes please Thank so much,im actually shocked and happy cuz never thought im actually getting reply u I6-S No problem Do have paypal? Yes Awesome will cost 50$ Wow 's expensive thught going be free Message.

Entitled Individuals and Their Childish Requests

It takes guts to be so bold.
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An entitled Karen pesters a woman for speaking Welsh | r/entitledparents u/FutureButterscotch9 "Where did learn speak English Um England L This story took place 5 months ago, so won't be exactly word word, but remembered enough event recite blah blah blah all have heard before So my stepmom is British. Welsh be exact those who don't know, Wales is little hump west England and North Cornwall s beautiful place known sheep, alcohol, and mistakes involving sheep and alcohol.

Entitled Karen Pesters Woman For Speaking Welsh

Step mom handled it well.
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biker guy overreacts offended by strong handshake

Obnoxious Biker Gets Offended By Strong Handshake

Zero self awareness.
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Buyer wants to test drive car at 170 miles per hour | 2002 Porsche 911 Carrera 22,900 Owosso, MI Mark as Sold Mark as Paid Darrell bring cash with and want hit Express way and if dose over 170 got deal..sounds good? Darrell This Saturday works anytime Darrell like car want make sure will do over 170 l'm street racer.

Delusional Buyer Wants to Test Drive Car at 170 MPH

That's gonna be a no, boss.
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A collection of funny tweets from Ryan Reynolds on Twitter | Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering can't do this

Comedy Gold From Twitter King, Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds always delivers.
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Funny 80s nostalgia fashion pics | family portrait of three dad with a mullet mom in a fringe jacket and daughter in a denim vest | man in a pink suit posing by a car

80s Fashion Statements That Show Why We Moved On

What a strange time.
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A collection of funny moments from the minds of Tumblr | katy-l-wood Today at work girl at my register heatedly explaining her mother wearing dinosaur costume her school's decades day fact, perfectly acceptable because her teachers did not specify any particular decades. smallest-feeblest-boggart kids are alright Source: katy-l-wood

Prized Tumblr Gems From Tumblr's Best

Tumblr offers many pleasant distractions.
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stand up comedian roasting his dad

Comic Invites Dad To His First Set, Proceeds To Roast Him

This just needs to be longer.
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