slide to unlock

To be a lock screen is to live in a constant state of uncertainty. When oh when will hand of God slide to unlock it from its electronic coil?

Part of Apple's NEW Indoctrinate 'Em While They're Young™ campaign.

I know the designers intended to mean something completely different, but isn't the "slide to unlock" function usually reserved for zippers on that part of the body? And what kind of sick bastard would put zippers on someone's underwear?