coffee

...find a new one.

And for a free coffee all you have to do is address your barista by their full name and conclude the transaction with a hug lasting no shorter than eight seconds.

Oh yeah, because coffee, smartphones, and whiny kids weren't distracting enough!

Buddha would brew the pot exactly halfway, Zeus would drink the rest of the coffee and wait for someone else to fill it, and Shiva doesn't need any caffeine.