Just as effective as a chastity belt

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Just as effective as a chastity belt
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For me this would be an automatic dealbreaker. Tattoos threatening me with paternal violence is where I draw the line. Maybe I'm old-fashioned (or new-fashioned?) that way.

Knee There Dough Eye

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Knee There Dough Eye
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That rebus kind of peters out and the end, huh? You really couldn't get an awl? Or the Allman Brothers? Or your Allstate Insurance representative? I guess that really wouldn't make sense, since your Allstate Insurance representative is named Stuart.

File Under "Worst Nickname Ever"

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File Under "Worst Nickname Ever"
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The fact that this also located on the wrong side of the body leads me to some very disturbing images. Of course those images are no better in a version of the nightmare where the genitalia are on the correct side.