the onion

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It Almost Makes You Think About the Penitentary System or Something

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Yes, the Doctor is Definitely the Idiot Here

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Flying Just Isn't the Same These Days

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The Hard Body, the Hot Blood, and the Holy Spirit

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We All Have Our Own Personal Gorillas to Deal With

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This is One of Those Onion Headlines That's too Close to True

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We Also Didn't Think People Could be This Dumb

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The Lombardi Trophy of Broken Dreams

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Sometimes True, Sometimes False, Always a Fail

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These Geniuses Finally Have Woody Allen by the Short Hairs

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Yes, He's Stupid... And He's Not the Only One...

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Hobbits Are Real U Guis!

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Another Victim of The Onion

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More Dangerous Than Ever Imagined

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Perfect Timeline Placement

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The Onion's 5 Tips to Succeed as a Woman in the Office

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Camper refuses to bring daughter-in-law Jane on family kayaking trip: '[My son] has told me he can’t go if she isn’t invited, and I stuck to my decision'

Camper refuses to bring daughter-in-law Jane on family kayaking trip: '[My son] has told me he can’t go if she isn’t invited, and I stuck to my decision'

Museum curator takes credit for archivist's research, then embarrasses herself in front of major donor: 'I thought you were working on this together?'

Museum curator takes credit for archivist's research, then embarrasses herself in front of major donor: 'I thought you were working on this together?'

Client debates if they were wrong for not letting their solo event planner keep leftover retainer money as a tip, after the planner refunded it, later hinting that a positive review could make up the gratuity: 'First time it even occurred to me'

Client debates if they were wrong for not letting their solo event planner keep leftover retainer money as a tip, after the planner refunded it, later hinting that a positive review could make up the gratuity: 'First time it even occurred to me'

Dad pulls 15-year-old daughter out of gymnastics against his wife's wishes in order to protect her when he discovers why she wants to leave the sport: 'She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing'

Dad pulls 15-year-old daughter out of gymnastics against his wife's wishes in order to protect her when he discovers why she wants to leave the sport: 'She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing'

'Remember that everyone is replaceable': Arrogant boss threatens employees' job security out of nowhere at 8 AM in work group chat

'Remember that everyone is replaceable': Arrogant boss threatens employees' job security out of nowhere at 8 AM in work group chat

Grocery store manager treats employee like enemy #1 for no reason, so he secretly quits mid-shift and leaves her hanging: 'I didn't have to tolerate being talked to like that.'

Grocery store manager treats employee like enemy #1 for no reason, so he secretly quits mid-shift and leaves her hanging: 'I didn't have to tolerate being talked to like that.'