This Shirt Will Change Your Life

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patriotism,tank top,review,poorly dressed,g rated
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"I wasn't ready for this shirt.
I bought it for a 4th of July party, thinking it would be a fun gag shirt. Little did I know. I pulled it out of the box and immediately sank to my knees and wept tears of pure joy, and by "pure joy" I mean "pure Jack Daniel's". I strapped it on and my bench press increased by a 100lbs. [sic] I whipped [sic] the whisky from my face, looked in the mirror, and in my reflection I saw him behind me.
George Washington. Looking stern and powerful. He nodded once, an affirmation. I knew what I had to do.
I flung myself from the bathroom window and this shirt literally turned me into a bald eagle. I flew over Iraq and pooped tomahawk missiles on ISIS positions, then I flew back home and turned into a 1967 Pontiac GTO and drove all night until I arrived at P**town. Population: Me.

The Most Patriotic Costume Ever

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america,costume,eagles,patriotism,mask,poorly dressed,g rated
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Get it here.

Nothing's More American Than Alcohol and Parodies

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patriotism,poorly dressed,star-spangled banner,tank top,after 12,g rated
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After 12: "Mommy, Can We Have Pizza for Dinner Again?"

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after 12,america,bad influence,bill-oreilly,fox news,freedom,Hall of Fame,marijuana,parenting,patriotism,pot,pot smoker,weed
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"Shut up kid, Bill O'Reilly is on!"

Fail

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cars,classic,decorations,failboat,grammar,oh america,patriotism,pride,soo much fail,spelling
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