I think it's time to let Matt Damon die, y'all.

According to Quora user Kynan Eng's calculations, if all of Matt Damon's characters were real, we would have already spent nearly a trillion dollars trying to save him:

Courage Under Fire (Gulf War 1 helicopter rescue): $300k
Saving Private Ryan (WW2 Europe search party): $100k
Titan AE (Earth evacuation spaceship): $200B
Syriana (Middle East private security return flight): $50k
Green Zone (US Army transport from Middle East): $50k
Elysium (Space station security deployment and damages): $100m
Interstellar (Interstellar spaceship): $500B
The Martian (Mars mission): $200B
TOTAL: $900B plus change

What is it about Matt Damon's face that makes people want to keep him safe? Apparently his movies have only grossed $2.7B, so he's not even close to pulling his own fake weight.

Somebody snapped a pic of Weird Al Looking more sad than weird on his way through the ol' TSA grope-n-pat at the airport. If there's any time to be filled with dismay, that's certainly it.

Get outta here Sad Keanu, Sad Al is far more distraught than you are!


(teh_newguy)

Just kidding, there's room for both of you in my heart.


(Camtron888)