true facts

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DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.

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Which is it, novelty t-shirt? I can't understand you when you're being purposefully contradictory like this!

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Don't worry though, you still have fewer problems going on than the guy in the psychedelic animal print to your left.