So, how much would you pay for handsome leather shoes that look like they've been splattered with stray paint by the designers at Maison Martin Margiela? Five hundred dollars? Weird, that was exactly the same number I just came up with! Let's hang out sometime and have really unrealistic expectations with one another. It'll be fun!

It's like all of my good looks just take off and fly away...

The "Mouth in front of a powerful fan" look is symbolic. Symbolic of how much this blows.

I hate wedding season, but not nearly as much as I hate Insane Clown Matrimony season.

To be fair, it was "bring your alter ego to work" day.

I mean, if his fillings and teeth whitening are half as good as those hair plugs then it will still be more pleasant than most trips to the dentist!

Alright, we'll let the typo slide for the idea of vajayjay nightmares (known by sheepish male internet trolls as "Regular Nightmares").