Me doing my bio-chem homework: Mom, do you know how to make DNA strands and put them through protein synthesis? Mom: Well, I had sex with your dad and now we have you. That was the worst lesson of genetics I ever had to live through... Me: Oh Jesus...

(Me and my uncle walking through a park he's 23 and I'm 17.) Uncle: *Points to a group of bushes*. That's where me and your auntie had sex for the first time. Me: I didn't need to know that. Uncle: Yep, we were both 14 and drunk and stoned out of our heads. Me: Wow... So many laws broken, that's true love right there...

(My grandma thought it was totally appropriate to tell me about her first time with my now deceased grandpa.) Grandma: I looked at that thing and I said "That'll NEVER fit!" Me: *Awkward laugh* Oh hehe, that's pretty crazy! Grandma: Say, why don't you ever bring your boyfriend over here to visit? (maybe it's cause you tell gross sex stories.)

(At a holiday gathering, a cheese plate is set out.) Dad: Hey, honey, come here. Try this cheese. Me: I don't really like blue cheese. Dad: No, no, just try it. Me: (Trying the cheese, disgusted.) Blugh, it tastes really weird. I don't like it. Dad (pulls me aside): Your uncles and I all agree that that cheese tastes like our wives.