That Awkward Soccer Hooligan Moment Where You Throw a Trash Can at Your Buddy and Not the Police

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File this one under the Tumblr "~~Just Soccer Hooligan Things~~". It's such a bummer when you mean to drunkenly assault a police officer and instead drunkenly assault one of your other drunk fans because SPORT.

This Guy and the Opossum Need to Get Their Own Sitcom Right Now

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Warning: Beautiful smack talk in this video.

You know, sort of an "Odd Couple" thing. The Opossum is the slob, he's the uptight busybody. Together they can try and make dinners together, draw lines on the apartment floor, all the good stuff.

A 12-Year-Old Colorado Girl Was Arrested for Attempting to Poison Her Mother Over iPhone Privileges, Because #KidsTheseDays

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Allegedly the girl hatched a revenge plot to murder her mother after her iPhone was taken away. That sentence is a real event and not something we pulled from a psychology case study on sociopathy.

Boulder County police arrested the tween after her mother reported her for the second poisoning incident. The first, when the child poured bleach into her mother's smoothie, which mom was able to detect by smell (and here we thought it was the pricepoint of a Vitamix that would kill you ZING).

Then she tried the same stunt with a carafe of water that her mother kept in her bedroom. This is probably the ballsiest move in the entire story, because seriously who tries the same matricidal nonsense twice? That's just poor form, Olivia (in the story I am assuming the child's name is Olivia because they're all named Olivia, run with me here).

To conclude, anothercase of tween barbarism solved by the power of a mom who won't take any nonsnse... and maybe a little help from Mr. Yuck.