Pretty solid, except you can tell that the second sentence of the second paragraph is just a list of all the words that appear under "hott" in the thesaurus.

A little stiff, but that's the general idea.

There's a buttload more sex tips and positions to try (lol no there isn't) at Failbook!

The date went splendidly until Jimmy started drawing penises all over Big Bird and crude breasts on Smurfette. He spent the rest of the night in the time-out corner while Jenny's mom, finally giving in to Jenny's insistent wails, went out to buy a new coloring book.

...and he's only going to break your heart.