Easy to Amuse

Favorite
drunk,drunk text,high,high text,monkey
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As before, here's a rough translation of the drunk/high textspeak in case you're having trouble.

Npppppp u am nitvhigh I moss dt ey ismt she esting pancakrx: "My N.P.'s (Nurse Practitioner's) uncle held his bat mitzvah this a.m. (it was a morning party) and my gift of edible moss only succeeded in establishing pancreatic ulcers in my host."

Cddk be: "(the) Caterer Dummies Didn't Know; (they) Belayed Eating (the moss)"

Um hoooot hiiiiiifg,,,, wtf I gaac bonr,,,,: "Ultimately, I acted in the manner of a hooooting owl flying hiiiiiigh in the dead of night and covertly escaped the bat mitzvah, my footsteps low to the ground and subtle like a series of commas... my escape was so smooth and fluid that in the middle of it I unexpectedly got a Gigantic And Awesomely Curved Boner."

Hooooonkey: "[racial slur for white people]"

What Tipped Him Off?

Favorite
high,phone,banana phone,after 12,g rated
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Don't Do Drugs and Play Draw Something

Favorite
draw something,drugs,high,koopa,mario,nintendo
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Ye.

Favorite
drugs,marijuana,iPhones,high,ye
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OK Mostly I'm Just High

Favorite
high,same person,part of your soul,marijuana,iPhones
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Father Wishes to Partake of the Righteous Herb

Favorite
bong,drugs,high,marijuana,parenting,wrong number
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Dad's wishing he was back in college again.

Grammar Nazis Are Getting Nastier

Favorite
bike,bong,craigslist,grammar,grammar nazi,high,sale
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Also, *conscience.