From the submitter:
I was afraid to ask anyone else
Maybe you could go back in time and text Hitler's grandson. You've been given a terrible curse, but it could also be a great gift. With great power comes great responsibility etc. etc.
They must be pretty good friends, if they trust each other enough that one won't walk away with a basket of pilfered cell phones.
It's official: "douche canoe" is now mainstream.
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