From the submitter:
I was afraid to ask anyone else
Maybe you could go back in time and text Hitler's grandson. You've been given a terrible curse, but it could also be a great gift. With great power comes great responsibility etc. etc.
And even if you do have friends, it only tells you how much fun they're having without you.
To be fair to the Mom, the kid's friends were all getting duckbutt tattoos. He's all the rage among the kids these days.
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