There I Fixed It Opens a Russian Office

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There I Fixed It Opens a Russian Office
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Well, not really. This wonderful kludge pretty much speaks for itself but just in case, do any Russian fixers want to help translate. I'm going to take a wild guess: the words mean "girl" "heater" and "fan". Are my brilliant deduction skills up to par?

~NSHA

The Porta-Portapotty

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The Porta-Portapotty
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Yo dawg, we herd u liek going, so we put a portapotty on your scooter so you can go while you go!