Atherton is the Home of the World's Dumbest First World Problems, if You Can Believe These Ridiculous Newspaper Clips

Redditor HesterLee gathered these clips from the police blotter of Atherton, California, where "the average house costs $4 million." Look below, and see what constitutes "suspicious" activity and grave danger according to some of the most entitled people in the United States

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Via Philly
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It only gets worse from there. From Philly:

A security guard told him to wait on a nearby bench, and Higgs apparently thought it was the perfect chance for a smoke break.

But he wasn't packing tobacco.

When the officer Higgs so desperately wanted to see came out, he smelled the marijuana immediately and took Higgs into custody.

And then the show began.

Higgs disrobed, while still babbling, and relieved his bowels on the floor of his holding cell, Chitwood said. Then, as if struck by artistic inspiration, Higgs grabbed his own feces and "wiped it all over the walls," he said.