For the New York City version, simply replace all figures in the "good job" column with "nothing."

GREAT. NOW I CAN'T HEAR OUT OF MY LEFT EAR BECAUSE YOUR STUPID MAX-VOLUME AUTOPLAY AD BLEW OUT MY EARDRUM. JUST SUPER.

Pleated-Jeans' Jeff Wysaski heads to Lowe's for another round of improving the names of household objects. Because let's be honest, why call it picnic table when you can call it an "elevated food floor?"