Here at DerpCorp, We Don't Like to Hire People With So-Called "Flaws"

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Here at DerpCorp, We Don't Like to Hire People With So-Called "Flaws"
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"Then how did you get hired in the first place, sir?"

"Hmmm, candidate uses logic and is openly defiant of superiors. You're just shooting yourself in the foot now buddy... candidate also only has one functional foot..."

Sorry, But You're Just Not What We're Looking For

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Sorry, But You're Just Not What We're Looking For
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Here at Party Supply Inc., we sometimes like to party soft. Unfortunately, that's outside the scope of your qualifications.

Also, we have a number of other applicants who we're considering.

Dear Sir or Mammoth

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Dear Sir or Mammoth
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Qualifications

I constantly hunger for a challenge. I have a very cann-do attitude. I am a team player, and have experience spearheading team projects.

Made Blatantly False Claims on Résumé

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Made Blatantly False Claims on Résumé
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"Optimized client assets for strategic marketing purposes."