What's the soundtrack for this battle for the ages?

Opera, of course.

"In conclusion, members of the board, I believe that our quarterly profits index indicates that BOOM! we gwaan ha' a bashment time wid copious green a-come in! Jah know!"

Go forth! There's a place for smut like this! I hear it's called "the intraweb."

Roger, what's our height, Dwight?

Although it's kind of hard to be a part of the solution when the problem is 99.9 percent of the whole thing!

Would you like to purchase hug insurance for times when you feel lonely?