Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I ate that tuna salad that he'd melt my brain.
There's a Greg in our office, and this flowchart would work perfectly for him. Except it would be placed in front of the coffee, and instead of asking if he has permission, it would ask "Did you make the coffee? Have you ever made coffee? No? Then go away."
Seriously, they should do another Brave Little Toaster movie where he's trapped in an office breakroom and has to listen to people whine about their job all day. Eventually all of the events shown on the sign happen, and for the finale he has a fight to the death with the fax machine. It can't be any worse than the premise for the sequel they already did:
The thief helped the lunch owner dodge the TB bullet. They should be thanking them. :-)
Also, I can't imagine how serial lunch thieves wouldn't expect to contract a communicable disease eventually. Sooner or later their crimes will catch up to them.