"Delightful" and "charming" are the KINGS of passive-aggressive terminology. Well done.
Our office has about six choices of tea: Three black teas, one green tea, and two mint teas. The black teas run out first, and when they're gone, everyone gripes about it and grimaces whenever they slurp their insufferably sweetened tea. Once I saw someone crying in the corner.
The thief helped the lunch owner dodge the TB bullet. They should be thanking them. :-)
Also, I can't imagine how serial lunch thieves wouldn't expect to contract a communicable disease eventually. Sooner or later their crimes will catch up to them.